


Epilogue: The Fall and Decline of the Universe

by CavalierConvoy



Series: MTMTE Series One: Shoot Straight with a Crooked Gun [74]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Belonging, Camaraderie, Drinking Games, Filming, Flirting, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Home, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4768817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CavalierConvoy/pseuds/CavalierConvoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Little Victories</i>, Rewind's pet documentary, may have not been edited, and its meaning had been lost on the Circle of Light, but for the crew of the <i>Lost Light</i>, it represents the determination, camaraderie, and relationships on board, and gives them the courage to continue on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epilogue: The Fall and Decline of the Universe

“Stay with me, watch with me  
don’t go to sleep on me  
The film has just started,  
I want you to sit by me…”  
The fall and decline  
Of the ‘Universe’…

—"The Fall and Decline of the Universe" by The Cuddly Toys, from _Guillotine Theatre_

 

***

 

REWIND: (off camera) “Just be natural, as though a mutual friend just introduced us. Your name, what you do, and why you’re on board.”

ARTEMIS: “Natural?” (drums her fingers against her hip.) “Well, my name is Artemis, and I’m part of the security detail on board the _Lost Light_. I also deal with supply acquisition.”

REWIND: (off camera) “And what brought you on board?”

ARTEMIS: (chuckles) “That’s a long story. The short of it: My faith in Rodimus, my own wanderlust, and the camaraderie. It’s the first time where I’ve felt like I’m actually out of the shadows, being a part of something as opposed to off to the side.” (Pause, optics dart downward, then back at the camera) “Does that make sense?”

CUT TO CCTV FOOTAGE: (Scout ship _Leading Light_ En Route to Temptoria; -95 cycles to planetfall. Artemis is standing between two rows of the rowdier Autobots, her rifle on her shoulder.)

ARTEMIS: “First wave, with me! We’re the clear-cutting the way for the second and third waves. This is a rescue mission, so confirm your shots! You see a field medic without cover, or a fallen ‘Bot, you cover them, but our number one objective: hit them hard, hit them fast, and —”

WHIRL: (off camera) “Wreck and rule! WHOOOO!!!”

(Artemis kicks up a discarded can off the ground, catches it, and hurls it at Whirl; it bounces off his head with a clang.)

WHIRL: (off camera) “Ow!”

 

(Return to Interview)

REWIND: "What are your interests and hobbies?"

ARTEMIS: (gives him a dry look.)

 

(Cut to CCTV: Swerve's Bar. "The Angel and the Gambler" by Iron Maiden is playing, likely from Cavalier, who is at Artemis's left, as the larger mech's sitting at a table across from Trailbreaker, surrounded by other crewmates cheering them on as they pound back shots in time with one another.)

 

(Cut to CCTV: Brig, time-stamp two megacycles later. The Drunk Tank)

TRAILBREAKER: (slurred, staring at the ceiling) "That...was amazing."

ARTEMIS: (face down in the slab, muffled.) "Who won?"

TRAILBREAKER: "I lost track."

ARTEMIS: "Same here — let's call it a draw."

 

CUT TO CCTV FOOTAGE: (Maintenance Bay Eleven, cleared out and retrofitted into a firing range. Present on the front line: Skids, Artemis, Whirl, Brainstorm, Trailcutter, Spectators: Swerve, Tailgate, Rewind, and Cavalier. Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” plays from Cavalier’s speakers.)

BRAINSTORM: “12.46 millimetre high-velocity hollow points, filled with EMP charges. I know, I know. ‘But Brainstorm, you’re insane to pack an EMP charge in a hollow point!’ Well, that’s besides the point and that’s why I called you four here today, to test these out.”

TRAILCUTTER: “So what is the point of having a round that blows out the neural net nanoclicks before blowing up the entire brain case?” (Takes Artemis’s proffered flask and takes a swig before returning it.)

BRAINSTORM: “Stopping power; these aren’t intended for taking out the enemy with a headshot. It’s for taking prisoners, and the EMP charge is to cause a spark spasm, enough to render a Cybertronian incoherent or unconscious.”

ARTEMIS: “Wouldn’t it make more sense to use low-velocity rounds? Less noise if you’re going to be firing from close range.” (swigs her flask and offers it to Skids, who politely refuses; directing to Trailcutter) Ethics committee says...?

TRAILCUTTER: (to Brainstorm) What happens if it is a head shot?

BRAINSTORM: Same as any bullet to the head, I'd imagine.

CAVALIER (next to Rewind): (pantomimes shooting oneself in the head, complete with splattering noise)

BRAINSTORM: “Right now we're testing the feasibility of packing the EMP charges into conventional bullets; I assure you, I will not start live tests until I am certain this test is conclusive.” (jogs over to Rewind; POV switches to first person, Brainstorm filling the screen.) “Okay, Test Fire of Happy Slappers, Trial One.” (jogs back to behind the firing screen, POV switches back to CCTV.) “Ready!”

(The three Autobots warriors — Trailcutter stands back, hands up in a defencive stance — bring their test weapons up to bear.)

BRAINSTORM: “Take aim … and FIRE!”

(POV Rewind: Rounds are fired and are going wide. The spectators dive for cover as Trailcutter throws a force field to cover them. Then one of the guns jams, and another. Artemis’s jams and explodes. Expletives are bleeped out.)

(CCTV: Cut to medibay. Artemis is missing half her left arm; Whirl’s head and canopy are stoved in; he's using the severed part of Artemis's arm to poke at a piece of shrapnel sticking out of Skids’ leg; Trailcutter, physically unaffected by the accident, takes a long pull from Artemis’ flask.)

WHIRL: Well, that was fun! Let’s do it again! (Skids snatches Artemis's arm away from Whirl.)

(Cut to Rewind POV. Brainstorm fills the screen.)

BRAINSTORM: (hushed) “Test results: possible I may have packed a wee bit more explosive charges than needed. Will modify for next round of testing.”

ARTEMIS: “’Explosive charges’? Primusdammit, Brainstorm!” (swipes back her flask and takes a pull, draining it, before lobbing it at Brainstorm’s head.)

 

(Return to interview, Rewind POV.)

REWIND: “What did you do prior to coming on board, during the wars?”

ARTEMIS: “One thing I learnt was never stand out. Standing out got you promoted, and getting promoted puts a target on your back. I do what I need to do and I get my aft out of there. That being said, I did lead a Wreckers detail during the Legion Conflict, our primary mission was — ”

 

**[ FOOTAGE REMOVED BY ORDER OF THE DULY APPOINTED ENFORCER OF THE TYREST ACCORD ]**

 

REWIND: “Recently we welcomed legendary Autobot quester Thunderclash on board. How did you feel about his presence on our ship?”

ARTEMIS: (looks at Rewind, arches a brow.) “As I understand it, we were helping him with a jump-start.”

 

(CCTV: Main Docking Bay. Artemis is standing off to the side with Trailcutter, Sunstreaker, and Bob, watching the commands of both ships exchange dialogue. The flask is passed around.)

TRAILCUTTER: “What d’you think they’re talking about?”

SUNSTREAKER: “Roddy doesn’t look too happy.”

ARTEMIS: “I’d imagine not.”

TRAILCUTTER: “They say Thunderclash defeated an entire platoon of Liege Decepticons with nothing but a case of Nightmare Fuel and a magnesium flare.”

ARTEMIS: (punches his arm) “That was me, [expletive bleeped]!”

SUNSTREAKER: “No, I’m sure I heard the same thing.”

ARTEMIS: “Not you too!”

TRAILCUTTER: (chuckling, draping a hand over her shoulders) “Just messin’ with you, Art.”

ARTEMIS: “Why do I even — " (furrows her brow) " — slag, what just happened?”

SUNSTREAKER: “Why is Magnus — is he — ”

TRAILCUTTER: (in unison with Sunstreaker) “ — hugging Thunderclash?”

(CCTV cut to Ultra Magnus hugging Thunderclash, then back to the four.)

ARTEMIS: “Magnus never hugs.”

SUNSTREAKER: “Oho, a challenger has entered the ring!”

ARTEMIS: “Curiosity is killing me.”

SUNSTREAKER: “Could have sworn it was jealousy.”

ARTEMIS: (gives him a stern wave of her finger as she walks off screen; POV switches over to Rewind) “Oi, Rewind, what just happened?”

REWIND (off screen) : “Far as I could tell, Thunderclash just complimented him on a report about typefaces.”

ARTEMIS: “Typefaces?” (scoffs) “Nerd.”

 

(cut to the interview)

ARTEMIS: “Yeah, I wasn’t much of the academic outside of my field of interest. Oh, don't get me wrong: I love hearing others talk about their passion. I find it infectious. But I won't pretend to understand it. Stuff I was into personally: History, Political Science, Drinking, and Brawling. Helluva combo. Made debates interesting. Too bad I kept getting kicked out of them. Arguing the flaws of upholding Functionist policy while blitzed on Fainting Seers was generally frowned upon.”

 

(Cut back to footage of Main Docking Bay. POV Rewind, Artemis walks up to Magnus, placing a hand on his elbow.)

ARTEMIS: “Won’t lie to you, soldier; a lot of people saw that.”

MAGNUS: (stunned) “I didn’t think anyone read that report…!”

 

(Cut to Sunstreaker and Trailcutter)

TRAILCUTTER: “You really think she got jealous?”

SUNSTREAKER: “Pfft. Of course she did.”

 

(Cut back to Artemis, holding her hand out to Thunderclash.)

ARTEMIS: “Hi, there. I’m Artemis, part of the security detail here on the _Lost Light_. Welcome aboard.”

 

(Cut back to Sunstreaker and Trailcutter)

SUNSTREAKER: “Now she’s marking her territory.”

TRAILCUTTER: (groans) “She’s gonna start a fight, isn’t she?”

SUNSTREAKER: “I wish. You think you can talk her off the ledge? I’ve seen how quick Magnus can grab her by the scruff when she goes on the offencive. Besides, she’s nearly sober. You’ve got her flask.”

TRAILCUTTER: “So I have.” (Takes another pull.)

 

(Cut back to Artemis, Magnus, and Thunderclash.)

THUNDERCLASH: (in admiration) “You mean the Wrecker Prime? Former Four Winds affiliate and covert agent for Elita One?”

ARTEMIS: (about to protest, finger up, aborts, optics dart to Magnus, then Thunderclash.) “I’m…not under arrest, am I?”

 

(Return to interview)

 

ARTEMIS: (pinching her fingers together) “Yeah, I may have a teeny little rap sheet involving bootlegging during the Legion Occupation. Supposedly negated due to the fact that we were at war and we needed funds for supplies. Some agencies never got the memo, so I’m a little on edge when recognised.”

 

(POV Rewind footage: Hedonia, on board the shuttle, boarding for takeoff.)

SKIDS: “They’re cutting it close—”

WHIRL: “I just talked to the boss; they had to spring 'Cutter out of hock.”

SKIDS: (after a pause) “What?”

REWIND: “Here they come!”

(Focus on Trailcutter in vehicle mode crashing through a median and onto the runway; Sunstreaker darts past him; Artemis keeps up with Trailcutter.)

SKIDS: “That’s not an ‘hurry up, we’re late!’ clip, is it?”

WHIRL: “Nope, more like ‘we’ve got a boot-full of contraband and thirty clicks till lift off!’”

 

(Return to interview)

 

ARTEMIS: (looking up at a point on the ceiling and nodding.) “Yeah.”

 

(Return to CCTV footage)

 

THUNDERCLASH: “I read all of Fisitron’s reports in _Wreckers: Declassified_ on you! You rewrote the book on deep space guerrilla warfare! The Nightmare Fuel and Magnesium Flares technique — we used that when we were pinned down in the ruins of Tenebrae when facing off with a Legion platoon, thanks to you and your innovation!” (to Magnus) “Did you know she’s the only Autobot in history to commandeer a Warworld, almost single-handedly?” (back to Artemis, shaking her hand vigorously with both of his.) “An honour — truly an honour!”

 

(Return to interview)

 

ARTEMIS: “I’d like to know what he and his troops had been doing with a case of Nightmare Fuel in a backwater garrison on Tenebrae; never did get a chance to ask.” (Rubs the back of her neck.) "I mean, I know what we were doing with Nightmare Fuel and magnesium flares, but Thunderclash...?"

 

(Cavalier's datapad footage. Artemis, in blues and blacks, sits between Skyfire, who was tapping at a blurred out datapad as to obscure whatever was on screen, and Sandstorm, keeping sentry over the fort with a rifle on his shoulder. Trance music thumps in the background.)

SANDSTORM: Amazing how two mechs can constitute a rave.

CAVALIER: (runs past them with a flaming bottle of Nightmare Fuel) " _VIVA LA RAZA!_ " (hurls it over the edge of the fort. An explosion follows, off screen, as the scene takes on a green glow. She cheers and runs back the way she came. The three other Autobots peer over the side of the turret to witness the destruction.)

ARTEMIS: (whistles) Okay, that was impressive.

CAVALIER: (off screen) FOR SCIENCE!

SKYFIRE: (after a ten click pause) That's going to burn for a while.

 

(Return to footage)

 

ARTEMIS: (rubbing the back of her neck with an embarrassed chuckle) “Well, I wouldn’t say single-handedly — I just took advantage of a tactical error on their part.”

 

(Return to interview)

 

ARTEMIS: “’We capture the one guy no one on either side trusts, and then give him free reign of the ship! And we’ll listen to his tactical “advice”'" (draws air quotes) "'while he’s all cock of the walk!’” (holds two fingers to her head and makes a firing gesture, flicking her head back.) “Legion Troops: the more their numbers, the dumber they get.”

 

(return to footage)

 

THUNDERCLASH: “But you acted upon it! In my humble opinion, the acquisition of the _Wreckers’ Spoils_ turned the tides in our favour against Jhiaxus! Dare I say it — you’re one of my heroes!”

 

(Cut to interview with Rodimus)

 

RODIMUS: “I can’t believe he got to Art! I mean, you look up ‘jaded’ in a search engine, you’d get a picture of her pounding back shots, first page! You can’t give her a compliment without her suspecting your ulterior motives, and here’s Thunderclash doing just that! The one mech I thought immune to his charms, and there she is, totally under his spell! Primus!”

 

(Cut back to footage)

 

ARTEMIS: (stunned) “Um…thank you?”

THUNDERCLASH: “The pleasure is mine! Oh, you must excuse me, I sense the aura of another practising Spectralist. It was wonderful to finally meet both of you, and I wish you much happiness!” (turns to approach Drift.)

(Artemis and Magnus stand, shoulder to shoulder, for a couple of clicks in silence.)

ARTEMIS: “What do you think he meant by that?”

 

(cut to focus on Trailcutter and Sunstrreaker)

TRAILCUTTER: (frowning) "What the hell did he mean by that?"

SUNSTREAKER: (chortling) "Whose marking whose territory now?"

 

(cut back to Artemis and Magnus)

MAGNUS: “I have no idea. But … he read my report!”

ARTEMIS: (stares up at the Duly Appointed Enforcers of the Tyrest Accord before pulling out her datapad and typing a quick note.) “So … hero-worshipping hero … ? That’s new.”

(Magnus’s datapad chirps. He pulls it out and, furrowing his brow, tries to make sense of the note. It chirps again. And again.)

 

(Cut back to interview)

 

ARTEMIS: (looks up at the ceiling) “Cav uses an annoying font called ‘Mr. Saturn’ when she sends messages.”

 

(Cut to interview with Cavalier)

CAVALIER: “So I get this message from Art, telling me to spam message Magnus of every little infraction I could between the firing range and Swerve’s … in my usual font. So I’m totally game, because, yanno, he’d want to know every little infraction out there, _no da_?”

 

(cut to beginning of interview with Cavalier)

CAVALIER: “My name’s Cavalier, and I’m on the hacker team, with Mainframe and Blaster. I pull the black-hat ops. On the field, I’m saboteur and long-range support. I ran with Art’s Wreckers unit during the Legion Conflict. Oh, can you add one of those cool still shot pans, like they do in fighting games of the characters’ intro, with the name and their title. Like, when they strike a pose like this —” (she whips out her arms, hands in fists with the pinkie and index fingers extended.)

REWIND: “Sure.”

(A crash of guitars as a still of Cavalier with an explosion background, flashing the sign of the horns crosses the screen; underneath, text reading “CAVALIER: Sidekick of Annoyance!!!!!11eleventyone!!!1!”.)

CAVALIER: “So yeah, I came on board because, quest! With Rodimus! C’mon, how awesome is that? To think I used to be a homebody, sticking around Iacon after the Great War. But! I get the taste of adventure when I went on my first quest with Art and the boys to locate —”

 

**[ FOOTAGE REMOVED BY ORDER OF THE DULY APPOINTED ENFORCER OF THE TYREST ACCORD ]**

 

CAVALIER: “— and then with slag getting real and we were right in the firefight and there were times where we thought we were gonna kiss our afts goodbye and — yeah, and after all is said and done, you sit on at the bar and wonder, ‘okay, now what?’ So here I am!”

 

(Cut to CCTV footage; Swerve’s before it officially was recognised as an establishment. Cavalier is sitting at the bar with Smokescreen, Huffer, Gears, and Pipes. They are all quiet.)

CAVALIER: “So! Who’s up for going total Ratman in the vents while tailing Red Alert?”

Smokescreen: (raises his hand) “I'm in!”

 

(Cut back to interview)

CAVALIER: “Rodimus Star! See? Inscription on the back: ‘To Cav: BFF!’ We were tight running the streets back on Nyon, yanno? That’s where I got my start in demolition. Then my bombs got elaborate and turned out I have a knack for computer systems. And so my bombs went from physical boom-pops to scramblers, EMPs, flash-bangs, and noisemakers. But my true taste is getting into code. I love code. Little ones and zeros hiding all kinds of juicy intel. Can’t say I’m a master hacker, but I’m good in a pinch.”

 

(Cut to Rewind POV, of Cavalier in her hab unit, fiddling with connections to consoles.)

REWIND: “Sure you don’t need help?”

CAVALIER: “I’ve never had an issue wiring up Earth tech with Cybertronian before! C’mon, you spawn of a glitch!” (looks up at the camera) “How old’s this ship again? No, that doesn’t make sense. I was able to get my old Dreamcast online, I could do anything! C’mon! All I want to do is play _Five Nights at Freddy’s_ for movie night! Is that so much to ask?!”

 

(Cut to video supplied by Cavalier’s web cam; Hab Unit 74. Dark except for the light from the screen. Cavalier is in the centre, with a keyboard in her lap; surrounding her are Smokescreen, Hoist, and Grapple; Artemis and Trailcutter are off-camera. They’re all talking at once, wildly gesturing.)

GRAPPLE: “Where’s Foxy? Where’s Foxy?!”

SMOKESCREEN: “Check the corridor!”

HOIST: “He’s got a pattern! Shut the door now!”

CAVALIER: “I’ve got ten percent power and it’s only 3am! I got it, I got it, I got it —”

HOIST: “He’s not in Pirate Cove! Shut the door now!”

GRAPPLE, HOIST, and SMOKESCREEN: “Check the corridor! Check the corridor!”

CAVALIER: “I tell you, I got it —”

(They all jump and scream, Grapple huddling behind Hoist. Artemis's expletives are bleeped out as she falls into the camera frame and into Hoist's lap. They take a moment to catch their breaths.)

SMOKESCREEN: (higher-pitched than normal) “I told you Foxy was in the corridor!”

GRAPPLE: (whimpering) “I think my fuel pump seized…”

ARTEMIS: (over shoulder, gaze off camera) "Did you — yep, panic bubbled."

TRAILCUTTER: (after a pause, off screen) "Quiet, you."

 

(return to interview)

 

CAVALIER: “Thunderclash? Well, where to start? He’s tall, handsome, modest, a hero to the masses…no big deal, really.”

 

(cut to CCTV of Swerve’s, focusing on Cyclonus trying to enjoy his drink in peace as Smokescreen and Cavalier are in the background, jumping up and down, clapping and squealing.)

CYCLONUS: (groans, slouching his shoulders)

CAVALIER: (her datapad beeps; she pulls it out and giggles) “I’ll meet you later! I’m on a mission!”

 

(return to interview)

 

CAVALIER: (shrugs) “I didn’t actually get the chance to meet him, unfortunately — secret mission and slag.”

 

(cut to CCTV outside of Swerve’s, Cavalier running down the corridor, texting furiously. Turning the corner too sharply, she trips over Whirl’s overextended leg, knocking her out cold.)

WHIRL: “Ha! Serves you — oh, [expletive bleeped].” (shakes his head, looks down, looks around, pokes her with a foot.) “[Expletive bleeped], boss is going to kill me.” (looks around again.) “Brat down!” (pokes her in the head.) “Brat? Brat?” (starts shaking her) “Brat, wake up! Aw, [expletive bleeped] it.” (grabs her by the ankle and drags her to the medibay, narrating as he goes) “Taking her to see First Aid; she ran into a wall. I had no part of it; I just found her like this. Really.” (continues down the corridor) “We need to get our stories straight, Brat. You ran into the wall, and I took you to medibay. Got it? Good.”

 

(cut back to interview)

 

CAVALIER: “I hear the Ten-Klick Orange Paintbomber struck soon afterwards.”

 

(cut to CCTV, timestamp after the _Vis Vitalis_ disembarked, outside Whirl’s hab unit. He opens the door, ten-kilometre-orange paint explodes in his face.)

WHIRL: “[EXPLETIVE BLEEPED]! I’M HIT! I’M HIT! MECH DOWN!”

(Ultra Magnus happens on the flailing Autobot, jaw clenching but does nothing to help Whirl and continues on his way.)

 

CAVALIER: “’Unvincible; no known weaknesses’ my sine function. So yeah, I was pretty much out of it for the whole Paddox situation — which sucked, because, from what I heard, that whole thing about Rung’s alt mode?” (flashes the sign of the horns again) “Metal, man — Holy Cudgel of Epic Enlightenment, automatic crit with chance of initiative! I am so statting that for my next campaign!”

 

ARTEMIS: “’Am I happy?’” (a pause) “You know, I haven’t been in a long time. Almost forgot what it was like." (another pause; she cups her chin and smiles, gazing at a point off camera. Starts humming "Aquarela do Brasil".)

 

CAVALIER: “Of course I’m happy! Sure, I miss my boys, but I’ve got Art and Rod and new friends, too! And and old buds, too, like Blaster and you and Sunstreaker, even though he’s a [expletive bleeped] — friends from Autobot City, which is great because then it feels like home.”

 

ARTEMIS: “What’s next? Honestly? I’m home; why do I want to worry about what’s next? It’s about the journey, not the destination.”

 

CAVALIER: “Humans have a concept: it’s called ‘family.’ And for all of our dumb[expletive bleeped]ry and cock-ups, we refuse to see one another as a liability, yanno? That’s the thing: Rodimus didn’t pick us. He just said, ‘I’m going on a quest to save Cybertron! Who’s with me?” and he didn’t say, ‘no, you can’t come because you talk too much,’ or ‘you can’t come because you don’t have a useful alt mode’ or even ‘you can’t come because you can’t fight your way out of a wet paper bag.’ He looked beyond that, seeing the value of us as individuals. Okay, too heavy. I have the most amazing campaign in the works, second edition, so THAC0 enabled, prestige mid-level. You in?"

 

***

Swerve's

Four megacycles after _Vis Vitale_ disembarked

 

"Okay, this one's for the trailer!" Cavalier announced, tapping on her datapad before affixing it to a tripod in the centre of the table.

"I don't like it when you say 'trailer'," Smokescreen pointed an accusatory finger at the Minibot. "'Trailer' coming from your vox coder usually means we spend half the night dissecting promos for survival horror games."

"No more Silent Hill," Trailcutter muttered, face down on the table, arms cradling his head. "Please, no more Silent Hill...."

"What are we doing again?" Hoist demanded.

"Rewind asked a bunch of us to snap candids for his film, so he can montage them in the title screen," the white and black Minibot replied, testing the aim of her remote. "Now, where's boss lady? She said she'd be—eek!"

Bob, bumping against Cavalier's arm in greeting, before rising onto his haunches to lean over the table and sniff the camera. Sunstreaker, without invitation, pulled a chair over to sit between Hoist and Trailcutter. "Down with the quartermaster. Seems Magnus has us on the shortlist of 'no way in hell are they allowed to wander about with WMDs'."

Hoist groaned, and Trailcutter brought his head up, staring blearily at the far wall, before tracking his gaze on the yellow and black heavy. "What the hell — ?"

Sunstreaker waved away the comment. "Relax, it was some ordinances we traded with Thunderclash's crew. Funny story involving him wanting to see the thumb in Shuttle Bay Three."

"'Funny story' and 'ordinances' do not belong in the same thought," Trailcutter reminded.

"Unless Landmine's involved," Grapple retorted, never looking up from his sketching.

"Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed he's amped up his gratuitous flirting now that Art's got a fella?" Sunstreaker gave the larger mech to his right a nudge with his elbow; Trailcutter's shoulders slumped further.

"Landmine gratuitously flirts with everyone," Smokescreen reminded.

Cavalier took out her comm and composed a text. "Yeah, the less he has a chance, the more he does it. And he knows he has zero chance with boss lady."

"Speaking of which, you know she's gonna be pissed you started drinking without her," Sunstreaker continued his one-sided conversation with Trailcutter.

"Maybe we should do this another time?" Hoist suggested. "It's not really a big deal if we don't participate — "

"It is a big deal!" Cavalier whined, stomping her foot in protest. "Especially to me and boss lady. This is our home now; you guys? Our family. So forgive me if I want this moment documented, but I don't ask for much, just this one perfect moment."

Sunstreaker opened his mouth to retort, but could not settle on a choice snark; instead, he muttered, "putting the 'fun' in dysfunctional," and grabbed Grapple's sketch from the architect's grasp. "I like your extra-planar stuff better."

"This is for work, you uncouth barbarian!" Grapple protested, snatching the sketchpad back.

"That's beautiful, Cav," Trailcutter smiled, oblivious to the scuffle happening behind his back. "Seriously, you're right."

"And here comes our favourite walking calamity now," Hoist jested as Artemis entered the bar, beelining to their usual table.

"Sorry I'm late." Taking Grapple's vacated seat, she scooted it closer to Trailcutter. "I'd like to state that for the record, I never want to see Octane and Landmine in the same room together. Ever. At least Octane's innuendos were predictable. And most of his stories never started with 'I dated an insert-random-species-here from insert-random-planet-here who inserted-random-action-that-until-this-moment-could-never-be-imagined-as-an-intimate-activity-here...'"

""Must have been inspiring," Sunstreaker jested. "Never will I look at a lampshade and a road sign the same way ever again because of him."

Hoist held his head and groaned, just as Trailcutter put an arm around his shoulders and drew him close for a hug before doing the same to Artemis. "Enough about Landmine and his crazy love life! Let's get photogenicky!"

"Oh, this swing shift thing sucks," Artemis laughed, looping an arm behind her partner's back. "How am I supposed to keep up if you get a head start?"

"Composition, everyone!" Grapple reminded. "Cavalier, maybe I should help frame the shot — "

"You couldn't frame a standard-size print!" Sunstreaker interrupted, squeezing his head between Artemis's and Trailcutter's. "Leave room for Primus, you too!"

"Anyone wishing to photobomb this do so now or forever hold your peace!" Smokescreen shouted to the other patrons of the bar before taking a place betwen Hoist and Trailcutter.

"Oh, come here, buggy," Hoist patted his leg; Bob, perking up, put his forelegs in the engineer's lap, optics wide and mandibles parted in his version of a grin.

After considering the balance of his friends' positions, Grapple settled on leaning over Trailcutter, between Smokescreen and Sunstreaker, thenhesitated. "Oh, we can have two yellow mechs side by side! I should — "

"Too late! Everyone say 'fuzzy pickles'!" Cavalier dove, twisting onto her backside before landing in Artemis's lap with feet still on the table, just as the shutter clicked.

 

Grapple was dismayed by the final composition. Hound, Brawn, Huffer, and Gears had taken Smokescreen up on his offer. There was no negative space to offset the crush of mechs in the frame. Only the top of Gears' head and optics were visible, with Huffer propped on his shoulders. Brawn leaned in with a hand on Bob's head. And Hound attempted and failed the cool "I'm just passing by", crouching next to Hoist and losing half his body in the frame. But everyone agreed, as they asked Cavalier for copies messaged to them: everyone was smiling. Everyone was, for that moment, truly happy, some for the first time in centuries.

 

_We're home._

 

***

[ Timestamp: one and a half stellar cycles from Initial Liftoff, Iacon ]

[ Security Log: password protected. Access for Authorised Medical and Administrative Personnel Only. ]

[ Patient file: RTMS-1, Designation: Artemis of Iacon Harbour ]

 

(CCTV footage: buzzing lights from the florescent lighting and the whirring of the refrigeration compressors the only sound. Artemis, back against the drawers, is sitting on the floor, knees drawn to her chest, forehead on her arms. Leaning back, she stretches out her legs, staring at the ceiling, before drawing the handgun on her left. Removes the magazine, checks the clip, reloads it and slides the jacket. The footage depicts signs of data corruption as she raises the pistol, pressing the muzzle under her chin. A long burst of static lasting fifteen clicks as the corruption grows stronger, before the footage cuts to blue screen with white glyphs.)

 

_**[ feed lost ]** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was the second arc, after _Knights of Hedonia_ , written. 
> 
> Songs and references:
> 
> "The Angel and the Gambler" by Iron Maiden, from _Virtual IX_. Although the song was used to a mid-season chapter involving POVs with Smokescreen and Trailbreaker, it had been a song I had been listening to whilst working on "Raiders of the _Lost Light_ " image, which is why when I wrote the scene, it only seemed appropriate. (And no, this isn't the first time Art and Teebs ended up in the brig; this is likely the third.)
> 
> "Sabotage" by Beastie Boys, from _Ill Communication_. This is the scene in Shuttle Bay Eleven which was referenced heavily in early chapters.
> 
> "Aquarela do Brasil". I recommend the Pink Martini version, from their album _Sympathique_. Pay attention, it's important.
> 
> Thanks for reading! _Shoot Straight with a Crooked Gun_ is now my longest fic to date, blowing my previous longest, _Belief Module_ from 2000 out of the water by roughly 65,000 words. Next up will be the Dark Cybertron fic, _Hearts of Iron_ , before I start cracking down on season two for NaNoWriMo. Stay tuned!


End file.
